Conflict with a Coworker Becoming Problematic?

What do you do when you find yourself in constant conflict with a coworker or team member? Maybe you feel like you’re working at cross purposes, where collaboration should come easily but doesn’t. The communication feels strained, interactions are awkward, and the chemistry is off. You’re convinced they’d rather not work with you, and if you’re honest, you might feel the same.

You could try to smooth things over and pretend everything’s fine, but false harmony rarely helps anyone. The tension doesn’t stay hidden; your colleagues notice it too. Especially in leadership roles, people read the room quickly. When workplace conflict or strained relationships go unresolved, team dynamics shift. Others begin to tiptoe around the situation, workflows adjust to avoid confrontation, and over time, even the simplest collaboration can start to feel inefficient or frustrating.

The good news is, you don’t need to let the tension escalate or stay stuck in silent frustration. You don’t have to avoid the person, lash out, or accept a toxic dynamic. There’s a better, more effective way to resolve workplace conflict and rebuild trust. Here’s how to start.

1. Recognize when workplace conflict becomes unhealthy.

When a coworker regularly disagrees with your ideas, it’s easy to assume they’re against you. But before labeling the situation as a clash, pay attention to the signs. Are they respectful, transparent, and professional even when they disagree? Healthy conflict can actually strengthen collaboration, helping teams think critically and preventing groupthink.

Give your colleague space to express different opinions openly. Everyone benefits from diverse perspectives, especially in leadership or team settings. If a disagreement is addressed directly, respectfully, and without resentment, consider that a positive sign of healthy communication. On the other hand, if tension lingers, conversations happen behind closed doors, or interactions feel emotionally charged, that’s when the conflict might be veering into unhealthy territory. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is recognize the difference and handle it early, before it affects the broader team dynamic.

2. Skip feeling sorry for yourself.

When you feel genuinely mistreated at work, it’s normal for emotions to flare. Adrenaline and frustration take over, and clear thinking goes out the window. Maybe a colleague’s tone or behavior rubs you the wrong way, and you find yourself replaying every interaction in your mind, each word reinforcing your frustration. It’s tempting to focus on their faults and let resentment build.

Instead, pause. Take a few deep breaths. In professional life, workplace tension rarely stems from just one side. Reflect on your own part in the dynamic and focus on solutions, not grievances. Avoid letting self-pity dictate your behavior; it only fuels the cycle of workplace stress and emotional exhaustion. Even experienced leaders can fall into this trap, but awareness is the first step to rising above it.

3. Own your contributions.

I know, I know, it’s not you. It’s them. Yet, if we’re honest, it’s probably both of you. Workplace tension rarely happens in a vacuum. So, what might you be doing, intentionally or not, that contributes to the friction with your colleague? Maybe you interrupt without realizing it, fail to respond to certain messages, or roll your eyes during meetings. Even subtle things, like body language or tone, can add to the tension and make collaboration more difficult.

Or perhaps you haven’t made enough effort to adapt to their working style. Maybe they process ideas quickly while you take time to think through details, or you prefer storytelling while they prefer data. Small mismatches like these can quietly create frustration on both sides.

Whatever the case, it’s likely that you’re playing some role in the dynamic. That doesn’t make you wrong, it just makes you human. Recognizing your part isn’t about blame; it’s about reclaiming control. When you take responsibility for your behavior, even in small ways, it opens the door for the other person to do the same. Ownership creates space for resolution, and often, that’s what diffuses the tension faster than anything else.

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4. Assume positive intent.

One of my earliest career mentors lived in a constant state of alert. She believed everyone was out to prove something, or worse, out to get her. It made her sharp but also exhausting to be around. Over time, I realized that mindset takes a toll not just on you but on everyone nearby. It fuels stress, erodes trust, and keeps genuine teamwork from taking root.

Then I learned the power of assuming positive intent. Choosing to believe that most colleagues and team members act with integrity, even when you don’t have hard proof, changes everything. When you approach interactions with trust instead of suspicion, tension naturally softens. In my experience, assuming positive intent can resolve or prevent at least half of workplace conflicts before they ever escalate.

Of course, sometimes you’ll be wrong. But even then, your outlook keeps you calmer, more thoughtful, and better equipped to respond wisely. When you stop seeing coworkers as adversaries and start viewing them as partners trying to do their best, collaboration and communication improve dramatically.

5. Talk it out.

We’re all adults here. The simplest and most effective way to resolve conflict with a coworker is to talk about it directly and respectfully. Don’t let unspoken tension grow or spread through your team. Clear communication helps restore trust and reestablish healthy working relationships.

There’s a reason this step comes last: productive conversations happen only after you’ve done the reflection work first. When you understand your own role in the situation, it’s easier to approach the discussion with humility and empathy. Let go of the idea that you must “win” the conversation. Instead, focus on being honest, calm, and constructive.When you’re certain you can do all of that, you’re ready. And you’re ready even if the other person is defensive or seems less than eager to meet you half way.

When you’re ready, initiate the talk thoughtfully. Don’t surprise your colleague. Give them a heads-up and invite them to a conversation about improving collaboration. Let them know you’re coming with openness, not blame. Explain that you’re working on your own contributions to the dynamic, and ask for their perspective. This simple step, approaching conflict as a shared problem to solve, often turns confrontation into connection.

One more point

In the unlikely but possible event that you truly are being mistreated, undermined, or manipulated by a colleague, and the earlier strategies don’t resolve things, stand up for yourself. Address it directly. Set clear boundaries and communicate what behaviors you will and won’t tolerate. Do it calmly and professionally. You don’t need to raise your voice or say anything that could reflect poorly on you later. Assertiveness is different from aggression. Show that you’re confident enough to call out inappropriate behavior while maintaining your composure.

My spouse, wise as ever, says, “People will treat you exactly as you give them permission.” Experience has proven that true. On a few occasions in my career, when all else failed, I had to confront someone who crossed the line. I didn’t always execute it perfectly, but each time, the situation improved the moment I stood firm. The key is to handle it with self-respect, steady and not reactive.

Thankfully, these situations are rare. Far more often, workplace tension stems not from malice but from misunderstanding, two smart people simply seeing things differently. In those cases, the five steps above will go a long way in easing conflict, rebuilding trust, and strengthening your working relationship. With patience, honesty, and empathy, you and your colleague can navigate conflict and come out stronger on the other side.